Tuesday, September 19, 2006

The Meeting

The Players

This is Gaston. He is old, fat and thinks he's king of the house. We do spoil His Highness a bit by catering to his popcorn and ice cream cravings. I figure, after 13 years, he deserves a little bit of pampering. He struts around like he owns the joint, nose in the air, surveying his domain and constantly reminding us who is King. He demands only the highest quality food and refuses to allow any lesser morsel touch his lips. I still haven't figured out how such a picky animal managed to get so fat.

This is Xanth. He is also old, but he is perfectly content to play the village idiot to Gaston's royalty. As long as he gets fed every day, gets to fetch the ball over and over and over again and has a soft bed, his life is perfect. He is pretty laid back and not a take control kind of guy, he is more of the big, dumb drooling kind of guy. If he was a human, he'd sit around and watch football all day with his hand shoved into the front of his pants and asking people to pull his finger.

This is Akasha. She is close to a year old and full of spit, fire and boundless energy. She is determined to usurp the royal throne from Gaston and force Xanth into an even more subservient position in the household. If she could force him fetch squeaky toys for her and bring her bones all day long, she would. Her teeth and jaws are little powerhouses of destruction and she seems to constantly be in motion. She already thinks she owns the couch.

The Scene
Sunday afternoon, my house.
Xanth: My family is home! Yay! I get food! I get pats! I need to pee!
Gaston: Move outta my way, you're blocking my view. Can you please quit drooling? The people are home, big deal. My world doesn't revolve around them.
Xanth: Oh man. I've really really got to pee. Let me out! Oh, hurry up and let me out!
Gaston: I hope they brought back some of that food in the little can. I'm starving and I just cannot choke down another bit of that dry crap. If they didn't, I'm going to puke up a huge hairball in the middle of the livingroom.
Xanth: What's this? Who's that? I want to smell her butt! Ooh, let me smell her butt!
Gaston: Another dog? What are they thinking? I was NOT consulted. I'm going to shed all over his black pants for this one. Another dog, oh, the agony.
Xanth: Sniff the butt! Sniff the butt! I like butts, especially girl butts!
Gaston: They didn't bring the good food. I'm working on a good hairball and I can see the perfect place for it right in the middle of their bed. If that beast goes anywhere near my couch she'll learn what these claws are for.
Xanth: HI! Who are you? Wanna play?Huh? Huh? Play with my ball!
Akasha: Nice place. What are you? *sniffs at Gaston* Huh. A cat. Interesting. I'm going to chase you!
Gaston: Chase ME? I don't think so, you drooling moron. Do those humans ever use half a brain cell? Obviously they don't. We've met, you droooling fleabag, you can go back from wherever you came from, this is my home.
Akasha. Oh, I think I'll be staying, you fat orange ball of hair and you'd better get used to it.
Xanth: I like your butt! You're nice. Where's my ball? I have to sniff more things! Do you like to run? I like to run, and swim. Do you like to roll in stinky things? I do! I love stinky things!
Akasha: You're one of those special Labs, aren't you?
Xanth: Yes, yes, I am! How'd you know? Did they bring treats, huh, treats? Where are they!?
Gaston: You'd better watch yourself, canine, because I'm watching you. See these eyes? See them? Watching you, pup, always watching.
Akasha: Get over yourself, old man, and prepare to hand over head of the house, because you're not going to have it for much longer.
Gaston: Don't be to sure, and nap carefully, these claws are sharp.
Akasha: Uh huh, we'll see.
Xanth: Wanna play? I like your collar. What's that smell?

Two days later, Gaston and Akasha are becoming friends. Akasha has even groomed Gaston a few times, so I think he'll hold his throne for a few more years. Xanth has come down on Akasha's puppy vitality a few times, especially when she starts tearing around the house and jumping on his sore hips. She's starting to respect him, and he's not afraid to growl at her when she gets out of control. The household has been in a bit of an uproar since Akasha came to live with us, but things are finally settling down.

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