Second thoughts

The separation package being offered by my company is pretty good. Two weeks full pay for every year you've been continuously employed. The deal is the same whether you volunteer to leave or get fired. Under that package I would get 6 months of full pay if I leave or get fired. Yes, I've been there for 15 years. A little crazy, isn't it?

After much conversation with my husband and an afternoon of perusing what jobs are available out there, we've decided I'm going to take my chances and not apply for the voluntary separation. Why? Well, think about it...I've been doing this job for 15 years. On the same software with little to no training in anything else. I've positioned myself well in the company as I am responsible for nearly all of the online content. Not the design, just the content.

I don't have any marketable skills, unless someone is hiring a journalist. And right now, they are firing media, not hiring. Going through the employment ads made me realize I don't have the skills I need to move smoothly into another career. I know SOME Excel and Powerpoint, but not enough. I have some management skills, but not enough.

The plan, as it stands right now barring an involuntary separation, is for me to work on increasing those skills over the next year or two through classes, seminars, certifications and self-help. I've already enrolled in a 3-day seminar next month in multi-media production and storytelling. The world of news is shifting very rapidly to all online content so having a good, solid base in how to effectively and efficiently PRODUCE that content is going to serve positively for my future career prospects.

Sure, we could get by on my husband's salary alone, but there are some pretty big purchases/investments we are planning and won't be able to follow through on those without my salary. We want to have a new barn built next spring, we need to buy a horse trailer, there are some pretty big house improvements we want to make (new flooring being at the top of the list) and we'd like to add some outdoor lighting to my riding arena. These are all pretty big dollar improvements that won't be possible if I'm not employed. Plus, my desire to compete in eventing and join a foxhunting club isn't going to happen without the extra funds.

Better and Better!

Ohh...this wonderfully crappy day just got BETTER!

My company has announced MORE layoffs. Remember they just announced wage freezes? And in July they laid off 2% of our staff. "Voluntary separation" they call it. The newsroom wasn't eligible for the last round of "voluntary separations," but I would have taken it if offered.

Voluntary separation...it sounds like a disease, doesn't it? What a wonderfully politically correct way to say "YOU'RE FIRED!"

I'm applying for it.

Pissy and whiny

All I want to do is crawl back into bed and pretend this day hasn't started yet. Why don't we get "do overs" in real life? Sure would make some days a whole lot easier.

The day started out badly, the Internet connection at home was utter CRAP. Did I mention I work from home in the morning and if I don't have a decent connection, I don't get any work done. If I don't get any work done, I have to stay later at work during the day to get it done even though I was up at the buttcrack of dawn to WORK? Is it MY fault the Internet connection occasionally sucks?

So I'm running late, which makes Hubby run late, which means we are BOTH staying late today, which sucks. I get to work and my stupid work computer is on the freaking fritz. What do you mean it's OUT OF MEMORY? WHAT?! Why you piece of...Mac crap. I HATE Macs. In particular, I hate my work Mac. It's useless. I mean...what the hell? OUT OF MEMORY?! It's probably a good thing all the windows in this place are painted closed or there would be one less useless Mac in the newsroom.

And I'm freezing cold. My hands are so cold I can barely feel my fingers. The nation is having a major energy upheaval and I'm freezing cold on a summer day? Something is NOT right with that picture. We conserve energy at home. We are so devoted to reduce, reuse, recycle it's almost a religion for us. Yet businesses? Don't they GET it? Don't they realize they are the ones creating all these energy increases by insisting on setting the AC on Arctic Blast and refusing to turn out lights at night? How dumb is that. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Massive lay-offs, wage freezes, cut backs industry-wide...yet the building blazes with light when no one is here and it's freezing cold in the middle of summer. There is no common sense in the corporate world. I know this for a fact.

It just doesn't make sense and it's feeding my already pissy attitude this morning. I just want to go home.

A rat on a sinking ship

Time to really get to work polishing up the ole resume'. Everyone in the company received this today. Encouraging, isn't it?

DATE: August 14, 2008

TO: All Employees

FROM: The Boss Man

SUBJECT: Wage Freeze

The Belleville News-Democrat continues to manage through an economic
downturn that is having an unprecedented negative effect on revenues,
and, therefore, our financial health. While we have taken many steps to
reorganize and streamline operations to respond to changing business
models and these economic challenges, we need to do more to control
expenses.

As an important part of that effort, we are implementing an
across-the-board, one-year wage freeze effective Sept. 1, 2008. This
means that if you are scheduled to receive a merit or salary review
between September 1, 2008 and August 31, 2009, your review will occur
one year later than scheduled. For example, if your next salary review
date is March 1, 2009, the salary review will be postponed until March
1, 2010. You will, however, receive regularly scheduled performance
reviews during this period.

This freeze is being instituted across all of McClatchy, including at
corporate and McClatchy Interactive. Employees for whom salary reviews
are pending or whose scheduled salary review dates fall before the
September 1, 2008 effective date remain eligible for their reviews. The
freeze doesn't affect salary increases related to promotions or minimum
wage adjustments.

We have avoided taking this step as long as possible. We know this
freeze comes at a time when the economy is putting stress on your
personal expenses and when you are working hard to adapt to our changing
business model. We greatly appreciate all that you do for the
Belleville News Group, and we hope we can continue to count on you as we
manage through this very difficult period. We are confident that all of
the efforts and cost control measures being made will result in a far
more stable and financially healthy company in the future.

Rethinking the commute

These gas prices are starting to hurt. Hurt enough to make me really seriously consider job-searching closer to home. This isn't even a matter of me wanting to leave my current job, I enjoy my job, it's purely a matter of economics.

Let's put it this way. Once upon a time, when oil barons were only a little bit greedy and not wipe-their-asses-with-$100-bills greedy, I spent an average of $5 a day to commute to and from work. Now, I spend $20 a day. That's $100 a week and $400 a month. In gas. Just to get to and from work. That's just over one-fourth of my entire monthly wages. Which is INSANE. It's not a dire situation, not by any means, but when I think "$400 a month, in gas, just to get to work," my heart flip-flops a bit and all the things I would RATHER do with $400 goes through my head and I feel a little faint.

So, I started thinking about what other things I could, aside from doing the reporter gig. I could freelance, but that is so hit and miss with no guaranteed income that I'd be better off staying put. I could go back to working at a stables, mucking stalls, exercising horses, etc. etc. But that job pays dismally. There's no money in horses unless you have it to begin with.

I would really dig mowing lawns and planting trees and plants all day. I would also enjoy driving heavy equipment, like a bulldozer or a crane. That would be awesome. I could work at a dairy farm...there are plenty of those around us!

Notice a trend? I'm looking at outdoor jobs. I've always hated working inside and was really, truly happiest when I did work outside, with my hands and my whole body, rather than just driving a telephone and a keyboard most of the day. I loved the jobs I've had in the past where I can finish my day, look out over what I actually physically accomplished that day, feel the work I'd done, and called it a good days' work.

On the Uno beat

Oh, this is just crazy! I'm am constantly amazed over what people get excited about.

My latest "big" story (read: fluffy fluff) is about Uno, this year's Westminster winner. He was bred and born in the little city I work in.

It's been a fun story to do, but I'm all dogged out on it. The number of emails and phone calls I've received because of this story has just floored me. It's a dog. But for some reason people LOVE this little beagle.

I've received email from the promotions guy for the Chicago Blackhawks, from the CEO of PetsMart, from the CEO of the U.S. Humane Society and more voicemails and emails than I care to count from people who just want to share either the stories about their own beagles or to rave about what a wonderful little pooch Uno is.

My Uno stories have been the most-read stories on our website for a couple of weeks, beating out all of our crime and murder stories. Which just surprises me. I always thought people would rather read about the latest stupid criminal in their city or about bad politicians.

I was wrong. Apparently readers want dog stories.

From out of the blue

There is a woman I work with on a fairly regular basis...she is the executive director of a local non-profit organization that supports people infected with HIV/AIDS. I took the organization she works for on as a pet project about five years ago because no one else was doing it. I'm glad I did.

She is vivacious and well-spoken, passionate about the work she does and the people she helps and I admire her. She is an all-around amazing person and I'm closer to her than I probably should be, considering she is a source. She started out as a source, but over the past few years, she's become a friend.

Today I met with her for a story I'm researching and we ended up talking for more than two hours. We talk about social ills, problems with society and people in general. Yes, we even gossip about politicians and she has given me some very valuable tips.

She said something to me this afternoon that made my entire month.

Most people don't have a very high opinion of journalists. I know this and I'm okay with it. People make no secret of of how much they HATE reporters and you'd be surprised how many people think it's perfectly okay to just call up our newsroom and bitch out the first random reporter who answers the phone. Everything wrong in their lives, and in the world, suddenly becomes MY fault because I happened to be the unfortunate soul who picked up the phone. I've been blamed for some of the most incredible things, it amazes me what people think reporters are capable of doing just because they are reporters.

So anyway, reporters are generally on the same par as attorneys...people LOVE to absolutely hate us. We are vultures, blood suckers, scum of the earth...you name it, I've probably been called it or accused of it.

Anyway, today she told me I was the first reporter she's ever met who actually has a heart (take THAT you naysaying co-workers!), and that it's obvious I really care about people. (Crap, she's going to blow my hard-assed, heartless cover!) She deals with A LOT of media, including the crazy, egotistic tv people, so it's not like I'm the only reporter she's ever had to deal with.

She said she is always impressed how I come in and engage in conversation with her about real people, real things and address real issues instead of coming in armed with a list of pat questions and refusing to stray from my list. Sometimes I go in with one idea, and walk out with even better ones because I just like to talk.

That made me feel good. Reporters don't make much money. Most of us aren't in it for the awards or fame and after your first five years and your 2,000th boring-as-hell city council meeting, you give up hope that any story you write will change the world.

It's the little things we start clinging to, the little differences and changes we help make that keep us going every day. And today, she really made me feel like I was making in a difference in the lives of some people. Yes, small differences, nothing earth-shattering, but differences nonetheless.

And that's what it's all about.

When the murder and mayhem become boring

You know what sucks most about being a journalist? It's not the job...I usually really enjoy the job (frustrated by it some days more than others). The job can be exciting and fascinating and awful and depressing all rolled in to one.

It's knowing that although I have a college degree, I'm pretty much not qualified to do much more than write and be a reporter. Which leaves my options for future job opportunities pretty darned limited.

Unfortunately I've been feeling extremely apathetic about my job for the last few weeks. It's gotten to the point that I just. don't. care. About things I SHOULD care about. I can't seem to be able to muster up any kind of excitement for the job anymore. It's just a job, not a passion like it used to be. I'm a good reporter, most days. Other days, I suck and can't motivate to do anything but the barest minimum and readers deserve more than my "bare minimum." After all, they paid a whopping $0.50 for the damned paper.

I think I need a change. Or a sabbatical. Something. But I don't know what I'd do. I don't have mad skillz at anything but journalism. I'm a job retard and I'm panicking about it.

How sad is it when mucking out stalls and feeding other people's horses at some boarding barn somewhere sounds leaps and bounds better than what I'm doing now?

I need a drink. Or two.

Joining the organized candy mafia

I'm back from Siberia. For the past few days I've been subbing at another, smaller bi-weekly paper owned by the company I work for. Unfortunately, this particular paper is stuckin the dark ages when it comes to technology so I was WAY out of the loop! I couldn't even load my email, that's how bad it is. I was offered a job while I was there, and had to decline for many reasons. One reason is the absolute lack of technology, the other is a pay cut. The commute is shorter (by quite a bit!), and the job easier, but not worth the pay cut and the step back in time. They love me though...the editor was practically begging me to come work for her and heaping all kinds of praise on me, so while I did decline the position, I feel a lot better about my abilities, at least for a few days. This is the second paper I've turned down in the last few months, so at least, considering everything, I'm semi-good at what I do and someone has recognized that.

Unruly had her very first Brownies meeting Thursday night so I was stuck in town for over an hour with nothing to do. Nothing. It would have been silly (and a gigantic waste of gas) to drive back home. So what does dumb ole me do instead? I tell the Brownie leader that I'll HAPPILY volunteer to help at any future meetings if she needs me. Yes, I have taken leave of my senses it seems. But helping with a bunch of first grade girls is far better than sitting in a park all by myself and picking lint out of my belly button.

Unruly had a fantastic time and is eager to for the next meeting. Of course, she was a little bit unruly, as I expected, but hopefully she'll settle down a bit at the next meeting as it won't be so new. And I'll be there. Nothing beats getting the "hairy eyeball" from mom to encourage the littlest Diablita to settle herself down and behave! Oh, and the Brownie leader, she's the local juvenile probation officer. HA! There is just something oddly humorous about that.

Okay, question. Since when do Girl Scouts sell candy? And calendars? And magazines? And cookies? I sold cookies when I was a Girl Scout, but all that other stuff? Not so much. We're turning our kids into little hustlers! She brought home the order forms for candy and calendars and is EXCITED about it. They must really give them one heck of a sales speech to be able to get first graders all riled up about selling stuff. Sheesh.

It's probably the $2 stuffed dolphin their pushing. If Unruly sells $400 worth of product, she'll get a fantastic, cuddly, cute stuffed dolphin! Yay! Can you imagine $400 worth of candy? That's a lot of chocolate-covered raisins and peanut brittle.

I am woman...let me at the big toys!

Remember when road construction jobs were pretty much "men only" unless you were a super butch chick who wanted to hold the "Stop/Slow" sign?

Well, times have changed. Now women drive the steamroller thingies and the dump trucks and the asphalt digger-upper machine (that's it's technical name, in case you were wondering) and the guys, they hold the signs. Seriously. How cool is that?

There is a massive construction zone on my commute and I just noticed last night that a majority of the construction workers are women. And not the butch type either. It was SO pleasant to see women finally break the gender barriers in that particular field. I have hope again!

About a year ago I took one of those match-your-personality-to-your-ideal-job tests and discovered I was never meant to drive a keyboard while locked in an office. I was destined to operate heavy machinery. The test informed me: "Your ideal career is handling heavy machinery, ideally, you would be most happy operating a bulldozer or a wrecking ball." Sometimes, I wonder if I should just ditch this job, get certified on some piece of heavy machinery, and spend the rest of my days in a work zone that requires a hard hat.

Which, now that I think about it, would explain my current love affair with the Dodge Ram. I've named my big, beautiful truck "Black Betty," by the way, and I'm going to marry her.

I wonder if women working on a construction site get paid as much as the guys because you know, nationally, women make just 70 percent of what men earn for doing the same job. Apparently, we don't have enough dangly parts to warrant a more "manly" salary.

I'm pretty darn sure, no, positive, that I fall into that 70 percent category at my current job. Which really bites big boogers. But, what can ya do?

What if I just homeschooled?

Why is it I always feel like I need a vacation from my vacation? I could barely haul myself out of bed Monday morning, but I really wasn't getting up that much earlier than during vacation. I dragged butt ALL DAY LONG at the office, and accomplished umm...exactly NOTHING.

And it's not like we did anything terribly strenuous while I was home last week, unless, of course, you count getting into and out of a swimming suit every day as strenuous. Oh, and I did some laundry. But that was it.

I did manage to get to the gym yesterday, so that was a move in the right direction. Now, if I can just keep up with it, things will be wonderful!

The girls started school yesterday. They barely had half a day and will have early dismissal for the rest of the week. What the heck? Why? When school starts it should actually start, right? Not just choke to life over the course of a week. Kids are resilient and can hit the ground running, they don't need to be babied and eased back into the school routine. Absolutely ridiculous.

Unruly has a male teacher this year, which she is extremely excited about. I didn't get my first male teacher until 7th grade, so seeing a man who WANTS to be in a room full of first-graders is kind of unusual. Or he's raving mad. But, he seems like he really loves being a teacher. And, how can you go wrong with a teacher who has "The Incredibles, "Spiderman" and "Superman" posters on his walls? I don't think you can. And maybe Unruly will see a man more of an authority figure rather than someone she can just walk all over and disregard entirely.

Wild got a rude awakening about high school. She failed a few classes last year and managed to finish the year out with a less than 2.5 GPA. School policy says that if you have less than a 2.5 GPA you must take a study hall. The counselor's exact words were "If you couldn't handle seven hours last year, we definitely don't think you can handle it this year." Hmmm...I think he may have something there.

This leaves her in a situation where she is now three classes behind her requirements needed for graduation, and another two classes automatically negated because of the study hall requirement. She understands now that because she screwed around last year she will NOT be graduating with the rest of her class. The counselor made that very clear to her. The school does not offer summer school make-up classes. The community college, however, does. But I'm not paying $300-$400 for her to take a class she failed in the first place. She is old enough to face up to the consequences for her choices, and the failing grades was a CHOICE. She's not dumb. She's just not motivated and how the heck do you motivate a 15-year-old? Maybe the prospect of not graduating will motivate her ass into getting decent grades this semester, because if she does, she may have the chance to drop the study hall next semester and take a required class instead. And that may help her get caught up.

We'll see what happens.

Lucky me! I have one kid who doesn't play well with others but is a perfectionist who expects only the best from herself and is absolutely brilliant, and another who is an overactive socialite with tendencies towards depression and enough smarts to get the job done well but just doesn't care. This is going to be an exciting school year!

Maybe I should hang up my journalist's hat and homeschool the girls?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I crack myself up.

So, this journalist walks into a bar....

Back to work, back to work. The vacation is over. *sigh* It's good to be back, believe it or not.

I LOVE my job. I really do, I'm not just saying that. There are some days when I absolutely hate it, but it's the people I hate (usually my editors!), not the job itself. What other job in the world pays you to spend a day on the lake in a sailboat to cover a race? Or gives you the opportunity to ride along in a WWII era stunt-plane, not just once, but twice? Or the chance to fly with the Thunderbirds, meet the president (not that he impresses me, but still...) and talk to some of the most interesting people in the region?

There aren't many jobs like mine, I know that much. I love talking to people and listening to their amazing, inspiring, heartbreaking, thought-provoking stories, but even more, I love sharing those stories with thousands of people and giving them a public voice. And I do that pretty well, if I do say so myself. From time to time I lose all professionalism and actually cry when hearing a particularly sad story. I've hugged moms who lost their sons in Iraq, cried with moms whose child has been raped or murdered and I've rejoiced with the people who have overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles.

I think I do some good, in my own small way. I'm not moving mountains or winning Pulizters, but I'm giving a voice to the people who might not otherwise be heard. And that's enough for me. I love doing it.

But sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be able to stay home with my girls, at least during the summer. Would I love it as much as sometimes think I would? I don't know. Sometimes, being home with the girls DRIVES. ME. BATTY. They get on my nerves and when they do, I threaten to go to work just to get away from them and find a little peace and quiet. I know, that sounds terrible, and I feel pretty bad for saying it, but, there it is.

For the most part, I loved being home and just goofing off with the girls. It was fabulous to not have to rush, rush, rush to get out of the house in the morning and just hang out in my pajamas while enjoying my morning coffee and making breakfast instead of dumping cold cereal into a bowl. To wake up in the morning and think... "Hmmm...what to do today?" and then decide to sit around and just chill with the kids for awhile. We swam, camped and fished, hiked and went to the zoo, rode the horse, walked the dogs and worked on the chicken coop. Unruly and I had a couple of picnics and built a "fort" in the living room. We colored and painted, played board games, watched bad movies and went shopping.

Could I do that all the time? For months at a time? EVERY DAY? I don't think I could. But who knows, maybe I would surprise myself.

What about the cuddles?

This working early, getting off before dark thing...I'm LOVING it so far. The girls are doing well getting themselves off to school in the morning, with a few reminder calls from mom right up until they are walking out the door to catch the bus. Yesterday I got home with enough daylight left to take the dogs for a walk with Unruly and Hubby and still have some time left to putz around outside before it got dark.

I love getting to the office before anyone else. It's so quiet, so peaceful, and I seem much more productive when I'm not tempted to chit-chat with my cube-mates. I love being on the road before it gets clogged and seeing the sun turn the sky brilliant shades of pink, orange, yellow as I'm pulling out of the driveway. I've always been an early morning person. One of my favorite jobs was when I managed a barn in Florida and had to be up and out feeding the horses before 6 a.m. That quiet time before the rest of the world wakes up is my favorite time. Everything is so fresh and new and the feeling of impatience to get started is thick in the air.

One thing I did not anticipate is Unruly's reaction to my up-with-the-sun schedule. She misses her morning cuddles in mom's bed. She sobbed and cried yesterday morning when she didn't get up soon enough to spend some time with me. This morning she woke up just after I got out of bed and cried for cuddle time. Just five minutes of snuggling beneath the covers, our breath mingling, our bodies spooned while we just talk about silly six-year-old stuff is enough to really start both our days out right.

I am more than happy to oblige with snuggles. I love our cuddle time as much as she does and it was just one of those I didn't think about with the early morning gig. We'll work quality cuddle time back in, somehow. That's pretty important stuff. The world can come falling down around our ears, but all that can wait. My kid needs cuddles.

All good things

Things certainly don't happen to me in small doses. Good and bad, I suppose, because I know when bad things start happening I'll feel like I"m trapped in some kind of perverse downward spiral. However, when good things happen, they happen in spades!

I mentioned previously the job opportunity I was hemming and hawing over. It was a good opportunity, don't get me wrong. But the timing isn't right and the cons outweigh the pros too much to justify such a change. HOWEVER, something else has come up with it's usual perfect timing.

I got offered a different position at work, and I took it without hestitation. It means a big change in hours, but it's a good change, as in, leaving for work at the buttcrack of dawn to be in the office by 6:30 a.m. or 7 a.m., but getting home with a couple of hours of daylight left to enjoy my kids, my horses, my family, my life.

Say hello to the brand-spanking new online reporter/editor of the mid-sized daily newspaper I work for.

I'm very excited, and it's a step in a good direction. When you are a reporter, and want to stay a reporter, the only way to move upwards is to switch papers, always searching for that next step up in circulation. I could become an editor, but I love the writing and reporting aspect of my job too much to spend hours a day reading other people's stuff. That does not appeal to me, not in the least bit. I don't want to switch papers, I like where I am, but I was also starting to feel like I was hitting that wall, smacking my head right into it into my forehead bled and just not going anywhere. This is going to be the "shot in the arm," I was looking for and opens me up to even more possibilities as our online presence continues to grow and more positions are created to meet that need. I know they are developing a position right now that includes online reporting/editing/page design. I'm gonna want that job once it's created, and this is my foot in the door.

It will be a change for Wild and Unruly as they will have to take on the new responsibility of getting themselves out the door and on the bus in the morning without me riding their asses to get ready to go every 2 minutes. You better believe I'm going to be on the phone moving them along though, at least until they get used to doing it without continual prodding. Wild, she's pretty self-sufficient. Unruly, she is for the most part. She can get herself dressed and get her teeth brushed, but she will need help brushing her hair and help staying motivated to keep moving instead of getting caught playing with her toys or the dogs.

This could either go very badly or very well, and it is all going to depend on whether Wild and Unruly will be able to get their act together in the morning.