Thursday, July 05, 2007

Oh, the things you find

Way back when, a long, long time ago, before kids and a husband, I actually kept my car clean. Wash. Wax. Vacuum. Windex. Armor All. The works every week. It smelled good, it looked good. There wasn't anything weird growing under the seats and everything was neatly stashed where I could find it. I even alphabetized my CDs at one time.

I've had my current car for seven years now and I think I've washed it maybe four times. And I can count on less than one hand how many times I've actually scrubbed the interior. There is hay and straw covering the bottom of my trunk and it's been there going on six years now. You'd think I'd get tired of hauling hay into the house on the bottom of grocery bags and vacuum the stuff up. Instead, I tossed a few floor mats over the hay and called it good. Can you say L.A.Z.Y.?

I couldn't stand it any more. I was tired of listening to the empty soda cans bang against the empty bottles with every turn, every stop. When I got lost in East St. Louis and couldn't find my area map among the coloring books, pictures, socks and fast food bags, I knew something had to be done. For those unfamiliar with this area, East St. Louis is considered the Murder Capital of the U.S. Seriously. There are more murders there, per capita, than anywhere else in the U.S. Not a good place to be lost, trust me. Plus, there was a funny smell coming from under the passenger seat and it seemed to be getting worse.

So, once I found my way out of East St. Louis, I found the nearest car wash and began emptying the interior. Wanna know what I found? Do ya, huh? Do ya? Don't worry, I'm going to share!

Ready? Here ya go!
A baggie of something liquid. Not sure what it was at one time but it had chunks and seemed to be becoming a brand-new life form.
An apple that had mummified. Ever see those Apple Head Dolls? It looked a whole lot like that.
A baggie containing funny looking raisins. I'm pretty sure the raisins had begun life in the baggie as grapes.
Smashed Kix and Cheerios everywhere.
A shoe.
A mismatched pair of socks.
A pair of Unruly's Dora the Explorer panties. (What the heck?)
Six coloring books.
A colorful wax blob that had once been a box of Crayons.
An empty oil container. That had spilled. On the carpet. Ever try to clean up spilled motor oil? Can't be done.
A wrench.
Three reporter's notebooks and a bevy of pens.
Two romance novels.
A few newspapers.
Eight empty water bottles and two empty Dr. Pepper cans.
I won't admit to any empty McDonald's or Dairy Queen bags.
My metro east map. With melted crayon goo obscuring a goodly portion of the region.
A few unopened bills. (Oops!)
A fish hook and bobber. Again, what the heck?
A handful of pony tail bands. Guess I don't need those any more.
A bottle of sunscreen.

Hmmm....I guess I should clean the thing out more often.


Absolutely Bananas said...

Ha ha ha... it can be scary, the things we let sit and rot. But we're BUSY and VERY VERY important, right? Well, that's what I tell myself anyway.

Lisa said...

This list makes me adore you all the more Jenn. Really!

There are quite a few science experiments in my car too. (Will now be thinking of you when I see empty water bottles on the floor. heehe.)

Rebecca said...

I've driven around lost in East St. Louis before, too... so it's pretty impressive that all the goodies you found in your car is scarier than that!

Dorky Dad said...

The only time I clean my car these days is when my wife does it for me. Thank God for The Wife.

So what did you do with all that stuff? Put it on ebay?

goat roper said...

No coins? no pennies, dimes or nickels rolling around in there?

Jenn said...

Oh, yes, I am VERY, VERY busy! Very busy. And of utmost importance. :P there's a thought. Wonder what I could get for one shoe and a pair of mismatched socks. I'm thinking the empty motor oil container will fetch the highest price.

Surprisingly...not a single cent. I think Unruly stole it all and put it in her piggy bank!

moosh in indy. said...

That would be a good meme right there...Mine alas would be boring considering I just removed all the swollen goldfish from between the cushions.