Friday, August 10, 2007

What bong?!

I often wonder what goes on in Unruly's little head at any given moment. She has a lot going on up there and sometimes, it's a tad bit bizarre.

A recent conversation:

Unruly: "Mom, are there bones everywhere in our bodies?"

Me: "Ummm, well, everywhere but your belly. It's just guts in your belly."

Unruly: "Are you sure? I think there are ribs there. Because I saw this cartoon and a lion swallowed a mouse and the mouse wanted to get out so he played bones on the lions ribs."

Me: "I think the mouse would be dead if a lion swallowed him."

Unruly: "No, he was alive, and he was doing all kinds of stuff in the lion's belly and he wanted out bad. So the lion swallowed a bong to get the mouse out."

Me: "A bong?! He swallowed a bong to get the mouse out?"

Unruly: "Yeah."

Panicked mom-mode kicks in. Where the heck did she learn about bongs? And how is a bong supposed to get a mouse out of a cartoon lion? And what kind of cartoons is this kid watching anyway? Do a quick inventory of six years of conversation held in front of said child. While I did have many conversations about bongs, none of them took place around the kid. At least, not that I remember. Also remind myself to keep a closer eye on the cartoon watching.

But I had to know. I've learned the best way to get a good answer out of Unruly is to approach it backwards. If I were to ask her directly "What is a bong?" then she would sigh at me, give me a lecture about really needing to get smarter and then give me a smart-ass description of said item...very, very slowly. As if she was talking to a small child. It's quite humiliating, actually.

Me: " what did this bong look like?"

Unruly: "Mom! It looked like a bong! Don't you know what a bong looks like?" Followed by an exasperated sigh.

Me: "Well, I want to know what this particular bong looked like. What color was it?

Unruly sighs heavily: Mom. It was black and it had a string on it and the string had fire on it and when the lion swallowed it the smoke made the mouse get out of the lion's belly. And then it blew up."

Me, heaving a great sigh of relief: "Oh! You mean a BOMB!"

Unruly: "That's what I said. A bong. Geez."

See what I have to deal with every day? Is it any wonder I'm not yet relegated to the rubber room?


Ninja Of The Mundane said...

Price of Jim's vasectomy: $4,800.

Price of not ever having to have a moment like that in my life: Priceless.

I don't know how you parents do it. I'd choke on stuff like this 90 percent of the time.

Absolutely Bananas said...

To Ninja's comment, I don't know how parents do it either (even though I probably should since I AM one)... there are just too many times when I stand there choking and giggling and snorting.

Jill said...

I loved that story! That was just the thing to put a smile on my face at the end of a crummy day.

Heather said...

Rubber rooms are the rage, didn't you know?

MP said...

That is great!!
I can't believe you couldn't read the kids mind and KNOW that was a bomb!

Sona said...

Reminds me of when I took the daughter to visit the in-laws when she was learning to talk.

She said "fuk".

She meant "fork".

There was a conversation. It was not pretty.

Jenn said...

Ninja...I spend most of my days just laughing when I'm the kids. Which isn't a bad way to spend the day. know that's true!

Jill...You're welcome!

Heather...I've heard! Especially among mothers of young children. It's the only halfway sane place for us to be sometimes.

MP...I know, I know. I keep meaning to brush up on my mind-reading abilities, but I can't find the How-To book.

Sona...ROFL! Kids say the funniest things when they are first learning how to use their tongues.

Sona said...

The funniest part, after the not-so-funny discussion, was listening to my MIL say "foRR-kah, foRR-kah" over and over trying to get my daughter to say it properly.

moosh in indy. said...

Funny how when any kid says an off word every moms' ear in the room perks up.
BONG? Did her kid just say bong?

kristi said...

HAHA! That is hilarious!