Tuesday, October 30, 2007

If I were to place a classified ad

For rent or lease: 15-year-old know-it-all. Has perfected the eye-roll, the stomp-off, the heavy sigh of exasperation, the "you are SO stupid" look and the don't-talk-to-me glare. Doesn't eat much. In fact, rarely eats anything at all unless the main ingredient is sugar, chocolate or carbonated water. Constantly updates the "cluttered chic" look in her room. Likes to wear torn-up old clothes so shopping trips can be limited to Goodwill, thereby reducing the overalll expenses. Smells funny.

Is exceedingly talented at talking on the phone...she can rack up a $300 phone bill in less than 30 days! Pretty amazing, eh? Doesn't overtax herself with school work or chores so she remains quite healthy. Is up-to-date on all vaccinations, doctor's exams and dental work. Would rather not be home much so upkeep expenses can occasionally decrease significantly with her absence. However, the 30-minute showers and washing of just one pair of jeans at a time will cause the electric bill to rise on a regular basis.

Does require acute patience, an over-the-top sense of humor and some experience in dealing with mood extremes. A well-stocked liquor cabinet is a must.


MP said...

you are making me feel so bad..I think I have to call my mom and apologize

Jenn said...

MP...I can't even begin to count the number of times I've apologized to my mom...and then in the same breath, thanked her for allowing me to live past 16!

goat roper said...

This is a great post. You almost made me call you to buy one! But instead I'll spend the day with the tune to "Memories" dancing in my mind, with a big smile (smirk) on my face.

Linlee said...

That was priceless!

a. di said...

is the liquor stock for the 15 year old or for the purchaser/parent of the 15 year old?!?

Ninja Of The Mundane said...

So I take it she's chosen not to "cowgirl up" on schoolwork?

What's the latest on her mother's involvement?

lov grma said...

Looks to me like Mom and Dad needs to come down hard, make some very strict rules and stay with them. Mom and Dad need to take back the rule of the house. NO,14 year old should be the master of the house.

Jenn said...

Goat Roper...you sure you don't want one? Discounts to family!

a. di...oh, for the parent for sure. Martinis make the momma happy.

Ninja...it's her responsibility to get it done. She knows the consequences with less-than-good grades. She is a pretty typical teenager, it's just easy to complain about it.

Lov grma...well, she no longer has a cell phone, that's for sure! And she lost a lot of privileges with the latest report card. So, she has been sulkier, crankier, bitchier than usual.

Ninja Of The Mundane said...

Try constructive sarcasm:

"If you don't get at least an 0.4 GPA, you won't get accepted into a good beauty college."

"Don't make me embarrass you in front of all the other Hardee's employees."

"Here, you can play-text your friends on this Fisher-Price phone."

"I hope you don't mind ... I entered your room in this year's state Science Fair. The judges will be up in a few minutes."