Friday, December 28, 2007

The final straw

As many of you know, Wild is my stepdaughter. Her mother has been pretty much absent from her life since I've been around, about 10 years. Every couple of years she'd pop back in to her life, make a phone call or two, make promises and break them, then pop back out of her life again leaving us to clean up the emotional mess.

A few months ago she resurfaced, wanting to "get to know" the daughter she never showed any interest in before. I had my doubts, my trepidations, but being the child of a father who pretty much did the same thing to me, I put those fears and doubts aside and encouraged Wild to try to develop a relationship with her Egg Donor. Everything seemed to be going okay, she was calling fairly regularly and Wild seemed happy about it.

The Egg Donor requested Christmas with Wild, which I wasn't thrilled about. I had a bad, bad feeling about it, but I kept my feelings to myself and stepped out of the way. I'm just the stepmom and I'm not going to be a roadblock in any relationship they might want to try to pursue. The Egg Donor is her mom, regardless of her crappy status, and I don't want Wild to have the same regrets I did when my dad died.

So, the pickup date was scheduled for the morning of Dec. 21. Wild was going to be gone until Dec. 31. She was going to spend that time getting to know the Egg Donor better. She did her laundry, cleaned her room, packed her suitcase and waited for the Egg Donor to arrive to pick her up.

Still, I had my doubts. I didn't want to have doubts, but I did. This woman does not have a good track record. She is not reliable nor is she responsible. But I kept my mouth shut.

The afternoon of Dec. 21 arrived and still no Egg Donor. A call was made, a conversation had. She hadn't even left her home state of Texas yet. Promises were made that she would be there by the evening of Dec. 22.

Dec. 22 comes and goes. No Egg Donor, more excuses.

Dec. 23, the same. No Egg Donor, more excuses. Wild was understandably hurt and angry yet still clinging to the last shreds of hope that the Egg Donor would come through and make her word good. Clinging to the hope that just once she would follow through on her promises.

Christmas Eve day. No Egg Donor. No calls. Nothing. Have I mentioned that I did very, very little Christmas shopping for Wild because she wasn't going to be her Christmas morning? I intended to take advantage of the after-Christmas sales for gifts to open when she came home on Dec. 31. This was not going to be a good Christmas for her. And I feel responsible.

10:30 Christmas Eve. Still no Egg Donor. Still no calls. Wild had been calling the Egg Donor's cell phone every half an hour, just to get a status check. All calls went unanswered.

My worst fears were realized. The Egg Donor wasn't coming. We would have to have to talk to Wild and ease her through the incredible disappointment, the anger, the sadness.

Once again we are left to clean up the emotional mess the Egg Donor made.

She was most angry with herself for believing that this time it would be different. She said she felt so stupid, so gullible for having hoped the Egg Donor would keep her promises this time. She cried. Oh, she cried. And my heart broke for this girl who only wanted to get to know this stranger who birthed her a little better.

I know how she feels, I know the anger and the heartbreak, the disappointment and the feeling of rejection. All the things I didn't want her to feel. All the things I wish I could have sheltered her from.

The Egg Donor drove the final nail into her own relationship coffin with Wild this time. I don't think there is going to be any coming back from this one.

Good riddance. And all I have to say is: "Stay away from my daughter, you bitch."


Wendy said...

WOW. Merry friggin' Christmas. That sucks big time.

At least, now your family has clarity about Egg Donor and where she's at. Your suspicions were confirmed, and while Wild is not happy now, she knows she is surrounded by those she can count on. Good luck through this difficult time! You are the perfect one to help her!

nell said...

That totally sucks, what a lousy thing to do to anyone, let alone your daughter who is young enough to still believe that her mother could come through for her this time in spite of all evidence to the contrary. She's blown it this time, and at Christmas too. It makes me so angry, and I'm not even involved.

Heather, Queen of Shake-Shake said...

Wow...that really sucks! What a friggin' bitch. And that is not a complimentary 'bitch' either.

Sona said...


I hope you and wild can shop together for after Christmas items. That may make a special bond with you two.

As for the aftermath - once wild has absorbed and dealt with her feelings, perhaps a sit down with you, her and her dad about what happened and what the future may bring is in order.

Give wild the opportunity to make a choice about the bitch and then stand by her when the next call comes. It may help wild alot if she knows that she has support at home if her decision is to not face the bitch again.

Good luck, either way.

Bananas said...

Wow. It's unbelievable that some women are so horrible. What an awful disappointment for Wild... and you! She is so lucky to have you to be there for her and be the REAL mom.

Carla said...

I can hardly write I am so mad. I am a step mom and I an so thankful that we don't have any issues like that.
So glad that Wild has you as a great support team.

MP said...

BITCH??? How about "C" word...OMG what in god's name could make a person so idiotic, irresponsible...blah...
I'm so happy my stepson has a super dooper awesome mom..
Thank goodness Wild has you..

Jeff said...

Yikes. That's really awful. I never understood how anyone could cause pain of any type to their child. Give Wild a hug from me.

Dorky Dad said...

Ill. I just don't understand how or why people would do that.

kristi said...

She doesn't deserve to be a part of Wild's life. It is a shame that some people break promises over and over to their kids....they will pay for it.

Ninja Of The Mundane said...

So, was any explanation or apology ever proffered? Or did Egg Donor just vanish into the mists?