Monday, January 07, 2008

Mirror, mirror

There is something so brutally, painfully honest about mirrors. Especially those that cover the entire length and height of the wall in the aerobics room at the gym. More honest than my husband when I ask him if I look fat in those jeans. More honest than the bathroom mirror that ignores all those parts below the chest.

More honest than myself. Oh, it was painful in so many ways. I started pilates classes today and hadn't realized how much I've put on over the last year — how inflexible and soft I've become. My abs are going to be screaming at me tomorrow. Maybe I've been avoiding the mirrors and the scale. More likely I've just been dishonest with myself and making stupid excuses like "Oh, I'm just retaining water again." How dumb that sounds, especially after I was faced with the brutal, honest truth in a full-frontal assault.

Two years ago I was diligent about going to the gym five days a week. Running, lifting weights, taking classes. Then, I hit a plateau. A depressing, awful weight-loss plateau I could not seem to get across. I got depressed, and I ate more because that's what I do when I get depressed. The weight, instead of staying steady like it had for months, started coming back. So I gave up.

That's right. I gave up. "Fuck it," I told myself. I can't work-out any harder or eat any less. I might as well just call it quits and let bygones be bygones.

What a bad decision. One I began to rectify today.


Lynnette Labelle said...

I know the feeling all too well. My favorite excuse was that the pants shrunk in the wash. LOL Funny how we just can't see the truth until reality smacks us in the face! Good luck! I just got the new Biggest Loser workout videos and I'm excited to use them, but have to get over this cold first.

Alicia said...

Hey, Jenn, you do know that muscle ways more than fat, right? So if you were doing all the right things with weights, etc., you were probably replacing fat with muscle.

No matter now. You're back on the program -- and so am I! I power walked with my sister this morning and will ellipticise tomorrow. We can do this!

Alicia said...

ugh ... that should be weighs -- not ways. And I call myself a writer-editor?

nell said...

I'm not much of a work-out kind of girl, but I've been toying with the idea lately. Good luck, you can do this. If I said we could do this, I'm sure I'd only drag you down!

Lisa said...

Yeay you for getting "back on the horse" fitnesswise. Good luck. Keep us posted on your progress. And I'll be right there with ya sister. Need to get back to the gym soon too!

Marriage-101 said...

Well you've taken the first step to get back on track. Good for you! No looking back now.

Sona said...

Oh goody - we can inspire each other because I'm doing the same thing.

Jane said...

And THAT my dear friend is why I have a healthy fear of full-length mirrors. :p

I did vow to start going to the gym at least 2 nights a week. Might be all I can swing w/the rugrats, but it's something, right?

Jenn said...

Lynette, I have that video! It's harder than it looks, but really gets you moving. I like it. I guess I should dig it out and dust it off, eh?

Alicia, I tried that theory, too. But my pants size wasn't getting any smaller, so I could only use the muscle vs fat excuse for so long! Here's to sweating our collective butts off.

Nell, I get bored quickly with just working out, which is why I like to mix classes with the "boring" stuff. I'm hoping this pilates class will keep it exciting.

Lisa, the first step is getting back and making a habit again, isn't it? I think that's one of the hardest parts. Once it's a habit, I tend to go regularly. It's just getting back into the swing of things that I have problems with.

Marriage 101, that's right, looking back will do me no good...only looking forward to the next goal and the next goal will keep me going!

Sona, it's good to have some inspirational company.

Jane, it's definitely a start! I know how busy you are, so even two days a week is a HUGE start!