Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Just the stepmom

Oh my. Is it really almost Christmas? Really? Sheesh. Where did all the time go?

Wild is gone for Christmas this year. She is with her birth mother, the woman who hasn't been able to spare more than 1/2 hour for her since she was born.

Yes, it was Wild's decision to spend this holiday with a family of complete strangers. The Hubster and I decided that even though we'd much rather have her home, we also weren't going to stand in her way or stop her from seeing this woman. She's old enough to make that kind of decision.

Am I hurt and angry? You betcha. Yeah, I'm only the stepmom, but dammit, I've been "only the stepmom" for 11 years. I've been there for every up and down, every hormonal freak-out and breakdown, every good thing, every breakup and disappointment. Her birth mother has NEVER been there. She hasn't been there for Wild at all but for some reason, Wild has put the woman up on a pedestal. In her mind, this woman can do no wrong. Nevermind she hasn't been a mother at all and has disappointed far more often than not.

When the Egg Donor arrived to pick Wild up Sunday evening it was the first EVER that I've seen her. In 11 years, I'd never seen her before. She looked to be about 50 years old (even though she is younger than me), was missing quite a few teeth and smelled funky, like stale cigarettes, old body odor and mold. Imagine a meth addict and you'll have a pretty good idea of what I saw, stringy, unwashed hair and all.

That is what my daughter left with. Was I uncomfortable with letting a stranger leave with Wild? Beyond description. But, again. I'm just the stepmom, there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.

Unruly doesn't really understand why her sister didn't want to spend Christmas with us, and I really didn't know how to explain it without getting ugly about it. So, I kept my mouth halfway shut and just said she wanted to spend some time with her "real mom." I think she accepted that.

So, Hubster and I are going to wrap presents tonight, and stuff just one stocking. Unruly and I will make cookies for Santa and sprinkle some "reindeer food" in the yard. We'll open gifts tomorrow morning, I'll bake a ham and in the afternoon we'll go see "Bedtime Stories."

We won't have snow, we'll have freezing rain, again. To add to the mud and freezing rain we've had for the past month.

Merry Christmas.


Krista said...

I'm so sorry. I hope you have a good Christmas anyway!
We had ours last night with my family with intentions of leaving this morning for his family... thwarted by the weather and who knows if we'll get there at all now. I am in a lovely mood.

TigereyeSal said...

She will come back, perhaps sooner that you expect. One of the things she is likely doing is testing your love for her, and you already know how to prove that- just as you have been these last 11 years. BTW, you ARE her "real" mother. The other woman is her birth mother. Hang in there.


Wendy said...

Well, pooh, that's crappy crap. But she's gonna need you when she feels all that disappointment as she realizes first hand what her birth mother is like.

All this letting go stuff is hard! That's how we know who the real moms are! The push-pull is hard at the kindergartener level. I can only imagine how hard it is when it gets so complicated in the teen years. Glad I have a few years to enjoy the simplicity of the young child. Hang in there, Jenn.

Sona said...

When she's an adult she will appreciate you for the mom you are, and for the time you allowed her to test the other woman.

Believe me, in the end you will win.