Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Good things

Who would have ever imagined I'd find a productive use for the 2-hour commute to and from work every day? Well, I have. Ever since I became a mom, free time for reading has been next to non-existent. I manage to sneak in a few minutes here, a few minutes there, sneaking into the bathroom and locking the door, trying to read through the "Mommy! Mommy!" hollers from the other side, and stealing enough time to finish part of a chapter during lunch.

I thought for sure my days of spending hours in the company of a good book were over, at least until Unruly reached 18 and moved out.

But I have found the most wonderful thing: Audiobooks. On CD.Hubby pointed me in the direction of an audiobook club, and yes, I joined. Every novel I've ever thought about reading, every political essay, how-to and account of history I've desired to sink into and whole lot more I've never heard of. I've found the ultimate bookstore and it's all mine with the click of a mouse. Just like Netflix, 'cept it's for audiobooks. I've finished "Secrets," "The Lovely Bones" and I'm currently reading "The Birth of Venus," a delightful little historical novel full of political and religious intrigue, art and a glance into life for a woman in early Florence, Italy. I have "The Dubliners" sitting in the car, waiting to be cracked, and the first installment of Stephen King's "Bag of Bones" is on the way as soon as I finish and send back "The Birth of Venus," which I am one disk away from completing. I feel like such a dork, getting so excited over books, but there is only so much talk radio and music a person can take a day, and I reached my limit.

Oh, the list of books I have to read just keeps growing longer.

I am ready for fall. Cool, crisp mornings and changing colors. I'm so, so tired of the heat and the dust. Summer is stuck in the back of my throat and I'm sick of it's taste. I want to gulp the chilly air and breathe the musky, damp air that is fall. I want to throw my windows open and let the fresh air in to chase the stale air out. I want the weather to be nice enought that I'm comfortable working outside, tearing out years of weeds, moving the fence and going through the woods to clear out decades of thick, tangled underbrush and smaller "trash" trees. I've bulbs to plant and saplings to bring home, earth to turn and firewood to chop.

Today I cried a little bit.

I miss my Star. I miss her so much.

I miss having my own horse, a comfortable companion, to share those quiet, private moments with and gallop through the fields for the sheer exuberance of speed and the taste of absolute freedom. I miss her smell and her welcoming nickers. I miss her silliness and her lovely, lovely self. I know I won't ever have one like her again, but I'm ready for another partner. I need another partner, I feel like part of me died with her, that wild, free part, and I don't know how to get it back. Even with the new property and plenty of space for a horse, it won't be ready for a horse until at least next summer. I know, I know..."Good things come to those who wait." I've been waiting... and waiting...and waiting...

At the end of the month I will no longer be leasing Chief. The move put us more than 35 minutes away from the barn, and it just didn't make any sense to me to drive all the way home, pick up the girls, and drive back to the barn so they could ride for half an hour. Too much gas, too much time, too much money. All for a horse that isn't mine. It just doesn't make sense, and of course, I further justified it by figuring I'll use the money I would have spent on board, feed, farrier and vet (on a horse that isn't mine) to put up a good fence at the new house and build a run-in shed.

Good things....blah blah blah

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